Friday, May 14, 2010

The Joy of Not Working vs. the Unjoy of the Uncash Flow

I used to look forward to Fridays, but now I don't have a job so everyday is a big fat Friday rolling into a bigger, fatter weekend. It's not at all bad!

The Joys of Not Working are Many:

1. Alarm clock - thing of the past
2. Getting up while it's still dark out -- so over
3. Sticking my fingernail through a brand new pair of pantyhose - not happening
4. Grabbing a can of beer out of the fridge, mistakenly thinking it's V8 because I'm in a rush --- not happening. Popping the beer open in front of the boss at 7:45 a.m. --- faux pas no more.
5. Sleeping until I wake up, or my husband wakes me up with the question "what time do you want to get up"? Priceless. He's still working. My sleeping, sheet-covered mass seems to annoy him on mornings he has to get up early.
6. Saying "fuck" six times before I open the door to leave. I hardly say "fuck" at all anymore. I'd like to say never, but hey, it is the fucking world I'm living in.
7. Not paying money to park my car in a crumbling concrete parking structure with no elevators, dark and dangerous stairwells, and across the street from a VD clinic and a soup kitchen.
8. Not having twenty new e-mails and ten new voice mails every morning, all of them complaints. Not having to be nice to the complainers when clearly, they have created their own problems. Not having to hear any more apologies from idiots who have left me ridiculously rude voice mails and now feel apologetic and sheepish. Change the word sheepish to Ass-ish and I will be forever grateful.
9. Not watching the blizzard outside my office window, knowing by the time I leave, my ten minute ride home will stretch into the better part of an hour.
10. Not having to pay taxes bi-monthly.

The Un-joy of the Un-cash Flow

1. Haven't bought anything in a long time.
2. Haven't paid for things bought in the past in anything more than a "minimum balance due" sort of way.
3. Can't afford cigarettes. This is a good thing. I've needed to quit smoking for a long time. However, the decision to quit smoking was forced on me. Loss of free will. Fuck.
4. Playing with dog is prime form of entertainment.
5. Have to borrow money to take my friend (who is even more poor than I am) on a picnic tomorrow. I figure it will cost me $25 for a picnic lunch for two, including beer. She'll get to drink most of the beer since I'll be driving. If it rains and I have to take her to a restaurant, I'm totally screwed.
6. Spending some time worrying about tomorrow --- which is bothersome bullshit wrapped in neurotic paper, tied up with fear and loathing ribbon. I used to be of the mundane? What are you going to do about tomorrow? I don't even know what I'm gonna do today! I sure as damn well know what I'm gonna do today, now! Worry about fucking tomorrow.
7. Contemplating buying a tube of mascara. I've bought cars with less debate inside my head,
8. Looking diligently for jobs and knowing that absolutely no one wants to hire someone my age. It's like a Catch-22 Torture Game. How many rejections can I amass in one week?
9. Making home made dog treats for my pet because they're better for her and less expensive than store bought. Contemplating learning to eat these for breakfast and lunch myself. They're bland, but there's pretty good stuff in them.
10. Not regretting retiring from a stinking government job I hated, surrounded by talentless bureaucrats who came from the "no creativity" gene pool. Not missing anything but the paycheck.

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