Saturday, July 31, 2010

Fortune Cookies I'd Like to Give

1. You should eat at home. This food make you blow up like jellyfish.

2. You leave lousy tips, miser.

3. Bus will hit you when you walk out door.

4. Stop using so much toilet paper.

5. Take Chinese mustard packets out of purse, thief.

6. Peking Duck watching you in Ladies Room.

7. Fortune don't come true if don't eat stale cookie.

8. You kinda dumb, yes?

9. Nothing good happen to you. Ever.

10. You too intoxicated to drive. Have more tea.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Propaganda Machine and the Dumbing Down of America

Apparently, a new ruling allows any form of propaganda to be published on national television, with no link or credit to the creators of the material.

It is amazing how scary this country has become. Whatever we're on the brink of, it isn't good.

A large percentage of Americans are uneducated, through no real fault of their own. Education seems to be an option for the wealthy or the willing to go into debt for the next fifty years. The days of self-educated people seems to be over. Unfortunately, an uneducated public will buy into what they see on television, and hold it as Gospel truth. They will never expend the effort to trace the facts or dispute the lies, and the twisted reality to which they are exposed becomes some manner of national truth. A stupid public is an easily beguiled public. An easily beguiled public is a public ripe for tyranny. If you really want a better America, make education mandatory and FREE!

Monday, July 26, 2010

The Wisconsinite view of Ill-annoy

I live in Wisconsin, which is a beautiful state. It has magnificent hills and bluffs, a multitude of clear blue lakes, forests, rivers and is as picturesque as any state you've ever been in. Wisconsin borders Illinois, which has two redeeming features: Chicago and Arlington Race Track. Short of that, Illinois is flat (being a great plains state after all) and utterly boring. For that reason, Illinois residents buy up land in Wisconsin to spend their vacations. All fine and well. Wisconsin needs their tourism dollars.

However, with rare exception I can assert the fact that all Wisconsinites detest the Flatlanders who come into our state every weekend supposedly to vacation, but really just to piss us off. We call them FIBS (Fuckin' Illinois Bastards) and wish they'd learn some manners, or at least, the rules of highway driving.

FIBS make interstate driving a nightmare; they all speed, but the biggest speeders are the ones pulling giant boats. I saw one of these FIBS go past me at 90 mph and ten minutes later noticed his giant SUV in the ditch with the boat on top of it. I would have stopped to help, but I really didn't care. That's how bad it is. Other, better Samaritans than I had stopped. I suppose I would have offered assistance had no one else been around, but my general dislike for Ill-Annoyians is greater than my regard for their ignorants lives, in a nutshell. I wish it was mandatory for all Ill-Annoyians to have an "Asshole on Board" sign in their rear window.

Illinois has one big lake around Antioch where a zillion people have built cottages and launch their boats. The sand in this lake is not really sand, but oily, gritty muck that sticks to your feet when you try to walk in it. You can literally hear the sucking noise it makes when you try to pull your feet out of it. It's no real wonder that the Ill-Annoyians come into Wisconsin to use our natural resources; they've made a cesspool of their own. Listen, Ill-Annoyians, if you wanted to live on water, why did you settle in a flat, great plains state? Clueless morons!!!!!

Anyhow, it wouldn't be so bad if the FIBS had some regard for human life, but they don't. They drive their Lexus', and Escalades, and giant SUV's and pull their boats and four wheelers through our state every weekend, at 90 to 100 mph. Wisconsin is big, it takes some driving to get to resort areas; SO plan for it! Don't try to do a 6 hour trip in 4 hours. Stop endangering our lives or stay the fuck off our roads.

I took a road trip up the Mississippi this weekend through some of Wisconsin's most beautiful scenery. The roads were heavy with bikers and other people enjoying the beauty of the bluffs and the river. It is probably one of the nicest drives in America. All of the drivers were courteous and cautious, especially through some of the small and quaint villages that dot the shoreline. No problems. Crossed over into Red Wing, Minnesota and came back down along their side of the river into LaCrosse. Again, no problem. I don't know why, but Ill-Annoyians don't seem to frequent this part of Wisconsin, so its a refuge for Wisconsinites sick to death of putting their lives on the line to go on a road trip. I can't tell you how much I wish we could charge $1000 per head in every carload of Ill-Annoy people crossing our borders and using our roads, and another $2,000 for their giant boats. The difference between Wisconsinites and Ill-Annoyians is that Wisconsinites have great admiration for the pristine natural beauty of our state. Ill-Annoyians have Lake Muck and attitudes to match.

Flatlander - Go HOME!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

America the Ugly

Things I hate about Americans:

1. Don't get all huffy with me when I tell you that the sale price of the diamond ring you're looking at expired at 1 p.m. Especially after you tell me that you just got a new Mercedes and your fiancee just got a new BMW. Americans ALWAYS want something for nothing.

2. Pick up your pedigree dog shit. If you can't remember to bring a plastic bag to the park, bring your Dooney & Burke that sits in your closet because now you hate it. Give it a useful purpose.

3. Don't friggin' shop for things you are going to return later. Make a commitment to a purchase and be done with it. Seek psychological counseling for your shopping addiction/exhilaration/need to feel that "spend" high.

4. Don't buy a ruby and diamond necklace to wear to an event and then return it. Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to promote an image that is utterly false? I guess you don't; you'd have to be somewhat real to get that. You ARE more than your jewelry, or at least, you should be.

5. Don't pile your grocery cart with senseless, calorie-laden foods and then think you're alright because you bought a 12 pack of diet Coke. Hit the produce aisle for an apple, and get a glass of water out of your kitchen sink. I'm sick of standing in the check-out line behind seriously obese people who have nothing healthy in their carts. I am not a "fatist".....I am just seriously wondering how much you're going to cost me in health care premiums.

6. And to the people above, stop leaving your shopping cart in the parking lot. Those fifty steps to walk it back to the store, or even to a parking lot cart corral could burn a quarter of the calories in that donut you're eating.

7. Reality television shows make me suicidal. If this is reality, kill me now. Is there ANYONE left in Hollywood with a creative idea? Is there anything more interesting to watch on television than some arrogant society matron going shopping for clothing that is WAY TOO YOUNG for her? Please tell me there is. Frankly, how do you live with yourselves, spending thousands on flowers for your lunch tables, while people die in the world for lack of fresh water? Don't tell me about not feeling guilty about being privileged. I'd love to make you feel guilty; but it's probably impossible. On second thought, I would rather make you feel pain. Narcissism reigns in America because Americans are numb, and numbskulls.

8. If you're over 45 years old, don't wear leather pants, and PLEASE don't sing bullshit songs with a less than stellar voice (Money Can't Buy you Class?????). Jesus H. That Housewife really ought to spend some money on psychiatric help. What a first class WANNA-BE. Money seems to have done that for her. Question is, what does she WANNA BE? It certainly can't be popular.

9. Let's all buy $1700 shoes that will hurt our feet so we can symbolically show that we have arrived. At Insanityville.

10. A $1,000 blouse is probably not made any better than a $100 blouse. But if $900 makes you feel special, man, you got bigger problems than your wardrobe. Clueless people have taken over this country. Revolution is right around the corner. I, personally, can't wait.


Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Tragedy of Family

Okay, so we weren't The Waltons. Not even close. My best friend, Geoff, who grew up in the same neighborhood I grew up in, had a family that very closely resembled "Ozzie and Harriett". Three nice kids, great mom, good dad, dinner at six. They were all close and they all loved and supported each other.

Enter my family. The Munsters. Depressive mom, absent father (even though he did live there when he wasn't lounging on his yacht or in harbors along Lake Michigan). Four sisters who to this day can't really abide each other. Maybe I should speak for myself. I can't abide my sisters. Thelma, depressive mother, spent the majority of her life screaming at us or crying. She loved to cause dissent among her daughters (misery, after all, does love company). I have concluded that the treatment for her bipolar disorder was unremarkable as well as unreliable in the 1950's and that my mother's nature was really just a failure of the psychiatric field at the time. I sure wish my sisters could get this.

Instead, these women whom I barely speak with, are all still stuck in that vicious cycle our childhood was. They like to fight, they like to make horribly judgmental comments, their lives spiral out of control, their children are out of control and they lie about everything. They are disloyal and disingenuous human beings. I don't know these women because to be around them is to relive a less than ideal childhood and feel all of the bad feelings that existed then. Walking away is symbolic of my need to survive my childhood.

I have survived my childhood, even made a fragile peace with it; but I cannot survive my sisters. That is a tragedy, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make for my own mental health. I would not wish ill will upon them, yet trials and tribulations seem to color their lives regularly. Perhaps they cannot make the leap from what was to what could be. Their "what was" is now their "what is". I sympathize with them, but I protect myself by isolating myself and the people I love from their viciousness.

I have only a small family left, husband, daughter, step-daughter, grandchildren. But we're loving and caring and we don't hurt and maim our way through each other's lives. For those that would, you're simply not invited into my life. I know this doesn't matter a whit to anyone but me. But ultimately, I have to live inside me, and I want to live in peace and keep the monsters from my childhood buried.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Career Paths

I started selling fine jewelry at MAJOR RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT because after 30 years in increasingly difficult jobs of stress-invoking responsibility, it's the only job I could get post retirement at age 58.

It's not all bad. In fact, it's fun. Who knew? Of course, my salary barely covers my expenses, but truth be told, money isn't everything. If you'll look at my blog post at being a bad influence in a good way, well, I am quite convincing about the special honor and importance of treating one's self regularly and lavishly. If getting people to spend their hard earned (in most cases future earned) cash makes me a bad influence, I'm diggin' it.

I have to say that after many, many years of public-domain service, it is absolutely a dream come true to work with non-psychotic colleagues who are helpful, friendly, in possession of good manners and willing to do their jobs and do them well. Sheesh! Who knew that kind of work environment actually existed? No one in civil service, that's for sure. The Major Retail Establishment should be running the country.

But back to jewelry selling. I guess the high point of my week was selling a very expensive three strand cultured pearl necklace to a woman who was about to celebrate her 50th birthday. It was such a kick! I've been married (let's not go into how many times) but I've yet to receive a pearl necklace from my husband(s). Duh! I could have bought it myself, but never entertained the notion. I hope that 50 year old woman has the happiest birthday of her life, wearing her pearl necklace and taking herself out to dinner. You go girl!

An elderly gentlemen looked at a very nice watch but didn't buy. However, he told me I had beautiful eyes and nice teeth. He made my day, which is sometimes much more important than meeting a sale's goal.

Anyhow, I'm enjoying this job......and I haven't said that in like seventeen years or so. There are downsides --- not all customers are a delight. But they still provide me with the opportunity to be thankful I can learn something from them, like how not to act toward a sales person.

At any rate, being in a major mall location is far more interesting than sitting in a stinking office. People are fascinating. The psychology of selling is interesting. Life is good.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Dark Sides

I have a wonderful husband 99% of the time. It's that other freakin' 1% of the time that I want to pack it in, live in a rooming house and never look at a male again as long as I live. Is there an alternative community out there for women who are just up to their eyeballs with the male experience and want to opt out?

Does any other wife out there feel this way?

That 1% of the time that Tim, my spouse, acts like a complete moron (never mind he attained a Ph.D. decades ago) makes me want to run screaming from this life without a backwards glance.

I'm not perfect, but I try to be a good person and I try to do the right thing. So does he. So why is it that when he is not a good person and is doing the absolute wrong thing, it's directed at me? We all take the people we love most for granted some times, this I can accept. What I can't accept is the viciousness of a dark side that is almost always hidden, buried or someplace I never have to look at it. When the dark side surfaces, I completely freak out and want out of this marriage. Maybe I'm overreacting; maybe I'm spoiled by having a basically well-mannered, gentle and kind husband. I don't really know. I do know that had my financial position been stronger this week, I'd have been gone. Scary. It's scary to me to know that I can handle bad behavior, but not a dark side.

I also have bad behaviors. I can be snappish, irritable, impatient and downright bitchy. But I immediately apologize and feel honestly terrible about acting out in that way. I make no excuses for my bad behavior; there are none. I do try not to indulge in it; sometimes with little success. But a dark side? I got rid of it a long time ago, knowing full well that to give in to it would only take me further away from enlightenment.

I'm afraid my husband does not seek enlightenment. That makes me fearful because without light, there is dark. And where there's dark, there's a dark side.