I have a wonderful husband 99% of the time. It's that other freakin' 1% of the time that I want to pack it in, live in a rooming house and never look at a male again as long as I live. Is there an alternative community out there for women who are just up to their eyeballs with the male experience and want to opt out?
Does any other wife out there feel this way?
That 1% of the time that Tim, my spouse, acts like a complete moron (never mind he attained a Ph.D. decades ago) makes me want to run screaming from this life without a backwards glance.
I'm not perfect, but I try to be a good person and I try to do the right thing. So does he. So why is it that when he is not a good person and is doing the absolute wrong thing, it's directed at me? We all take the people we love most for granted some times, this I can accept. What I can't accept is the viciousness of a dark side that is almost always hidden, buried or someplace I never have to look at it. When the dark side surfaces, I completely freak out and want out of this marriage. Maybe I'm overreacting; maybe I'm spoiled by having a basically well-mannered, gentle and kind husband. I don't really know. I do know that had my financial position been stronger this week, I'd have been gone. Scary. It's scary to me to know that I can handle bad behavior, but not a dark side.
I also have bad behaviors. I can be snappish, irritable, impatient and downright bitchy. But I immediately apologize and feel honestly terrible about acting out in that way. I make no excuses for my bad behavior; there are none. I do try not to indulge in it; sometimes with little success. But a dark side? I got rid of it a long time ago, knowing full well that to give in to it would only take me further away from enlightenment.
I'm afraid my husband does not seek enlightenment. That makes me fearful because without light, there is dark. And where there's dark, there's a dark side.