Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Sheriff Clarke Yuks it Up Again

Now Sheriff Clarke has stated publicly, on lunatic radio, that Milwaukee County Executive Chris Abele has "penis envy". 

Well, come on now.  Talk about racial stereotypes.

Anyhow, Sheriff Clarke seems to be increasingly mentally ill.  He's armed, he's tough and he's nuts.  And apparently, well hung.

Really, we need to take some proactive measures to protect the citizenry here in Milwaukee County.  I suppose when Sheriff Clarke proves his point (after all, Abele is a shrimpish little white guy while Clarke is a very tall black man) by waving his magic wand for the media, then we'll have enough to Chapter 51 the dude.  Meanwhile, I wouldn't invite the Sheriff to any television tapings.

Fortunately, Chris Abele is taking the high road, refusing to rise to the bait of an obviously emotionally and mentally unbalanced man with a gun.  I don't always like Abele's politics, but I respect his logic in this case.

I feel sorry for the people in the Sheriff's Department who have to deal with Clarke's megalomania on a daily basis.  How tired they all must be.  Dealing with mental illness on a daily basis is horrendous; and can be downright contagious when you're put in a situation where your commanding officer is a fruitcake, but no one wants to tell him.  Well, apparently Clarke is going to eventually open his trap right out of office.  Or his fly.  We all wait with abject horror.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Global Warming is Here to Stay!

Even as I watch the snow blowing outside my window, I know that we (earthlings) have seriously screwed up the environment and that our planet is deep in global warming.  It is probably too late, now, to right the wrongs.  I believe we passed the tipping point awhile ago, according to some scientific models.

So, I'm just waiting for the planet to spit us out, like so many germs.  It always has and it always will take care of itself, even if it means getting rid of us.  When governments cannot render a plan, Planet Earth certainly shall.

I feel sorry for all the kids who had no idea what their parents were planning for them when they arrived here. 

Makes me just love America with a car in every driveway for every family member of driving age.  No high speed rail or conscientious alternatives to getting in that automobile and driving.  An electrical device to open a can; because God knows, we must save our wrists.  Does anyone hang the wash out on the clothesline anymore?  Here in America, we have (very boring) subdivisions that have bylaws against outside clothes drying.  The list goes on and on; how many ways we can be lazy, stupid and unconscionable.

I like to kvetch about how our carbon footprint is as big as the grand canyon, at this point in time.  It is very sad to watch how we, in our quest for really stupid items (money, convenience, etc.) have basically destroyed what certainly must be very rare indeed, a garden in space. 

When I move to a real city, I will give yet another car away so I don't have to take part in the madness any longer.  It won't do me any good in the big picture, but I'll feel better walking everywhere, or taking a streetcar. 

Today is a blizzard.  By mid March, we'll probably have at least one eighty degree day, like we did last year.  It's frightening and sad to experience the chaos and to know just how many of us simply don't care at all.  Or deny our part in this downfall.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Dennis Smith - Good Riddance!

So Dennis Smith is resigning from his job as Secretary of the Wisconsin Dept. of Health & Human Services. 

Good.  But its not because he supports Scott Walker's insane policy to decline federal funds to expand Medicare (although he probably does).  No.  That's not the reason.

Dennis Smith, hard as it is to believe, was attractive to someone other than his wife.  I guess carrying on an affair with one of the departments attorneys proved to be his exit strategy.  My dearest, I am so sorry you thought you had a F*cking clue how to run an agency.

I really can't stand these morally bankrupt people.  It's bad enough they rewrite public policy while screwing the public; they also screw each other and are so surprised when people find that a little reprehensible.

So where do they go when they're embarrassed out of public appointments?  Lobbying firms in Washington.  The criteria for being a Washington lobbyist, apparently, is any kind of stench that lingers in the air when you enter or exit a room.

Makes me glad I don't live in Washington.  It stinks on so many levels.

If Scott Walker had a dick, maybe we could get rid of him, too.  Unfortunately, Walker is dickless, so we're just stuck with him.  I will, however, be able to remember exactly the most unsatisfying f*ck I've ever had in my life.  It was when Scott Walker was elected Governor and he shafted half the citizens in Wisconsin  at the same time.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Pimps, Prostitutes and Priests

In the not so distant past, a group of people I knew always had an annual "Pimp, Prostitute and Priest" party.  We'd rent a bus, dress up in some costume relative to the theme, and hit the bars all over town.  I remember gigantic hangovers, but being really in good shape from all the dancing we did. 

One of the friends, a nice Jewish boy, always rented a Pope costume.  He was awesome; so cute in his pointy hat.  We all kissed his ring.  There were lots of nuns, more prostitutes, a couple of priests and a wide variety of pimps.  I remember one year borrowing a lab coat, sticking a turkey baster in one pocket and a legless baby doll in the other and going as an abortionist.  We all ended up going duck pin bowling at midnight.  Ah, fond memories!

Anyhow, long story short, who knew that the Vatican was borrowing this theme and living it?

I don't know how people wrap their heads around the catholic religion, I truly don't.  I just know that watching the archdiocese here in Milwaukee try to cry "bankrupt" to get out of paying victims of clergy sexual abuse is appalling, probably as appalling as our pimp prostitute and priest parties.  At least, we weren't serious.  And now the latest rumors coming out of Italy are just atrociously horrific.  Scandals, blackmail, high class gay prostitution rings, and high up holy men in the church.  No wonder the pope resigned.  And all you "crazy catholics" to quote my father, better think about where that money is actually going after you drop it in the collection basket.  Do you really want to support Luigi's House of Endless Pleasure?

Now, I have to say I'm on the edge about believing in God.  I do believe in the Great Cosmic Soup.  But if a football field sized meteorite were to land on Vatican City in the next few months, you betcha I'm a believer!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Why We Need a Revolution

We need a revolution because it's been over 200 years since the last one.  The country is a mess, having been turned over to corporations and special interest groups. 

We need a revolution to oust politicians like Scott Walker, David A. Clarke, Jr., and most republicans.  This country cannot move forward if it is mired in an ideology that should have died with the wild west.

We need a revolution to take back and implement the United States Constitution, free from the meddling of lawyers and congressional incumbents.

We need a revolution to prevent cults, like the Roman Catholic Church, from sexually assaulting children and then filing bankruptcy to prevent payment to victims.

We need a revolution to protect the environment from the money grubbers who can't see past a dollar sign.  That their brains are affected by bad air, bad water and bad food is evident.

We need to dismantle the United States of America, Inc. once and for all.  It simply is not worth saving in its current state.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Keeping Track of Scott Walker's Legacy of Nutzoid Behavior

Four rural communities here in Wisconsin have had to close their Planned Parenthood Clinics because of Scott Walker's budget.  He just won't allow money to go to any institution that might promote S-E-X.  Have to spell it.  Conservative republicans can't stand the word, much less the act.  Despite the fact that Scott Walker has two children, I'm betting that's exactly how many times he's had S-E-X.  And his wife probably had to get him drunk first.  All that aside, I am hopeful that one of Walker's sons gets a girl pregnant whom couldn't get birth control pills because there wasn't a clinic from which to obtain them.  I wonder how fast the Walker clan would rush her to an abortion clinic.  Hypocrites are the least palatable of all people, in my opinion. 

And just to remind everyone that an idiot is in charge here in Wisconsin, Scott Walker has $25,000,000 earmarked for venture capital in his budget, but he doesn't have a plan on how it will be distributed.  Scott Walker without a plan.  Yeah, well, this is nothing new.  Unfortunately, Scott Walker's last economic growth plan came up millions short and no one accounted for the loans or the repayment of those loans.  Incompetence in the Walker Administration is the status quo.  I have very little faith in Scott Walker's plans.  I doubt he could plan a trip to the men's room. 

I just wonder how many women will end up with unwanted pregnancies because of the lack of funding to Planned Parenthood.  And I wonder where this $25,000,000 venture capital budget line will get lost.  Either way, the Walker Way is a bad road.  And we're all on it.  Thanks you A$$holes who voted this yokel into a position of power.  Hard to imagine anyone more stupid than Walker, but you certainly are.

Monday, February 18, 2013

The Lost Weekend.

My sister/friend Helen came to Milwaukee to visit this weekend; bringing that New York energy with her and we had quite the time, hitting the consignment/vintage shops.  I'm a little poorer financially, but so much richer after spending such a good time with such a delightful person.  Needless to say, we found many treasures and bought everything we liked.   Lots of bagfuls.  We may shop the discounts, but we always look like a millions bucks!  I will especially look like a gazillion dollars in my Escada cashmere blazer, for which I paid exactly twenty-three dollars.

The real prize was just knowing this person is in my life and we will have these wonderful times together. 

All I did this weekend was have fun.  Good conversation, good food and great fun driving around.  I took the two shrinks to see Silver Linings Playbook, and I have to say, seeing it the second time for me was as enjoyable as it was the first time.  This is a great movie and sharing it with people who really understand mental illness was a good experience.  I am in love with crazy Bradley Cooper.  And crazy Robert de Niro.  I even have a girl crush on crazy Jennifer Lawrence.  People.....go see this movie.  Somehow, you walk out of the theatre with the most amazing feeling; and it's quite a mystery how you attained it.  Some movies just do that to you.

This is how much I love Helen.  I gave her one of the books in a series of volumes of my favorite story, The Peasants.  It took me years to collect all four books because they're old and out of print, and it was a tremendous task to get the right translation of it.  The author won the Nobel Prize for literature for this work.  I hope she likes it because she is one of the few people to whom I would even consider loaning the books.  Took me too long to collect them, they're eighty years old and very fragile.....but the story is so awesome and the writing so musical, I had to share it with her.  I hope she'll ask for the next volume in the future.

Anyhow, I haven't read a newspaper in four days, watched the news, or had any inkling of the outside world.  I was too wrapped up in fun and sisterhood.  Aren't I the lucky one!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

No Shortage of A$$hole Politicians in Wisconsin

The little brained puppet boy of big business, otherwise known as the pawn Scott Walker, has rejected billions in federal aid that would have allowed Wisconsin to expand Badger Care, the health insurance program for the uninsured here in our state.

Isn't that just about what you'd expect from Scott Walker.  Its always f*cking ideology before people with these dickheads.  I believe Scott Walker is reincarnated.  His last incarnation was the son-of-a-bitch who loaded the Zyklon B into the shower canisters at the death camps.  Scott Walker is a horror of a human being.  Anyone who thinks differently has absolutely no compassion or kindness inside them, and no real clue about life or love, in general.  Pity the fool. 

I don't know what the republicans are thinking; that they can kill off the poor?  That seems to be their approach.  No food programs.  No health insurance programs.  No welfare whatsoever.  Sounds like a Nazi plan to me. 

I wonder if Walker has hired an architect to build some crematoriums.  Or maybe this is why he wants the mining bill, which would be devastating to the environment, pushed through so quickly.  Let's just kill poors and minorities, put them in a big hole in the ground and cover them up. 

Scott Walker is a travesty of a human being.  I am disgusted by the citizens of this state and their election of this completely inhumane poor excuse for any kind of an earthling.  If these are our leaders, we'd better hope there's intelligent life out there cuz there is BLOODY LITTLE OF IT DOWN HERE.

Forget revolution.  We need alien intervention, even if they just come here to eat us.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Ron Johnson Anti-Woman

Ron Johnson, that moron pretending to be a United States Senator from Wisconsin, has voted against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act. 

He said it contained serious flaws. 

If Ron Johnson was capable of recognizing a serious flaw when he saw one, he'd immediately resign from politics. 

Ron Johnson is a misogynist - as are most republicans.  Why these guys are so terrified of women and of granting women equal rights under the law is a mystery.  One can only believe that on some level, they recognize themselves for the true repressive, women haters they are.

If any woman in the State of Wisconsin votes to keep Ron Johnson in office ever again, she would have to be designated criminally insane.

Personally speaking, Ron Johnson is someone whom should never have attained a political office.  Oh, but I forget.  He did it all with wifey's money.  What a $hithead.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I'd Rather Be A Marxist Than an A$$hole

Senator Ron Johnson, aka Dumb A$$, has really ignited emotions here in Wisconsin again.

Comparing democrats to Marxists and Socialists, Ron Johnson has, once again, proven he has nothing to say worth hearing. 

He likens the reelection of Barack Obama to a "body blow to Americans".  I'm fairly certain Ron Johnson wouldn't know any kind of blow if it bit him in the A$$.

He also said the reelection was a "body blow to freedom".  F*ck Ron Johnson.  What would he know about freedom?  His entire existence is based on keeping people poor, suppressed and enslaved.  Unless, of course, you're a rich F*ck who stole everything you have.

Ron Johnson needs to be run out of Washington as soon as possible.  That this moron took the place of Russ Feingold is a mind blow to all intelligent people everywhere. 

Republicans are disgusting.  Ron Johnson is one of the most disgusting of them all.  This man's brain is a danger to all good people of the planet.  Thank God its small.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Milwaukee vs. Chicago

Really, comparing Milwaukee to Chicago is like comparing Psy to Barbara Streisand.  Just isn't any common ground.

Chicago is a real city; make no mistake about it.  Milwaukee is like an old dog you think you should put to sleep, but it's been around for so long, you can't bring yourself to do it.  Despite it's attempts, Milwaukee remains a very boring place filled with turduckens.

Chicago is vibrant; always something happening, always people out and about, always an amazing experience, whether you live there or just visit.

Granted, the crime rate is high in Chicago; poverty always begets crime, and there are large numbers of very poor people in Chicago; well, nearby.  Chicago has become so trendy that bad neighborhoods are torn down and expensive condos take their place.  Not exactly a good answer or a realistic approach to curing the ills of any great metropolis.  An old housing project near Chinatown has been converted to expensive apartments.  Sheesh. 

Still, you can get anywhere in Chicago cheaply, be it cab, bus or subway.  There are so many restaurant choices, you get full reading all the reviews.  The museums are supreme.  We ate at the top of the John Hancock building, on a clear night, so the views were simply awesome.  I always go to the Art Institute to visit my favorite Jackson Pollack painting, and of course, get awed in roomful after roomful of impressionist art. 

People are by far better looking in Chicago, and nicer.  We left Chicago about 4 p.m. on a Sunday night.  Thousands of people streaming down the major streets.  We arrived back in Milwaukee about 6 p.m. and it looked like a ghost town.  It is a ghost town, by comparison.  I wish I could tell you what happened here, but I've no clue.  Milwaukee just lost whatever it is that makes a city great.  Sad.  Sad that I live here.  But oh so great that Chicago is just right down the road.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

I Could Rent Myself Out as a Seeing-Eye Dog

My vision, post second surgery, is absolutely amazing.  I am so very happy to have almost perfect vision again.  Reading is accomplished through readers, but this will probably change as I go through the healing process.

I can't say enough wonderful things about my opthamologist.  I will say it is remarkable when someone finds a path in life that makes them perfect at what they do, and if what they do is make other people's lives better, well, seems pretty close to an ideal to me.  If you need a referral to a great eye physician, send me an e-mail.

Meanwhile, I'm going to Chicago this weekend to celebrate my eleventh wedding anniversary.  That's almost as big a miracle as good eyesight.  I tend to get very tired of people and their idiosyncrasies and move on.  (This has cost me large sums of money in my life and explains my financial disarray.  Well, that and the internal revenue sadists).  My marital history is best described as mostly serial monogamy.  Or it was.  Been with the same man for eleven years married, and quite a few leading up to the actual exchange of vows.    It's not that my husband's idiosyncrasies don't annoy me; it's just that he's constantly changing the menu and introducing new and pondersome behaviors.  I find him more interesting than annoying.  I guess that would be my advice to anyone considering marriage.  Plus, he cooks well, and he constantly surprises me.....not always good surprises.....but suffice it to say, I am rarely bored.  He is predictably unpredictable.

But, I digress.  Going to Chicago and seeing Chicago with clear vision is going to be the highlight of this winter.  Woo Hoo!  Chicago is the only reason I've been able to tolerate living in Milwaukee all of these years.  Shopping.  Blues.  Eating (dim sum in Chinatown --- be still my beating heart!).  We're eating at a restaurant on top of the John Hancock building Saturday evening.  Since we're in a blizzard-like weather pattern here in the mid west, we probably won't see a thing.  But snowflakes will never look so good to me!

Now, I have a question for all of you.  If anyone knows of a good doctor who can do for my face and body what my opthamologist did for my eyes, please send me his/her name immediately!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Sheriff Clarke Oddly Silent - Let's Hope It Lasts

After a lot of press, Sheriff Clarke's office has gone oddly silent.  I'm sure it's not because he wants to, but someone in that office must have told him he was making a proper fool of himself.  Not that Sheriff Clarke would believe THAT!  And pity the poor messenger who gave him the information. 

Still, the Sheriff has been quiet as a little clam this past week after stirring up the entire nation with a lot of crazy talk.

Let's write a few Public Service Announcement that Sheriff Clarke can sink his teeth into and get on the air:

PSA #1.  Hello Folks out there in Milwaukee-land.  I don't like criminals; even the misdemeanor kind, so if  you get sent to one of my facilities because you were shoplifting, I'm going to feed you mystery meat called Nutriloaf, and I will not allow you to be rehabilitated.  I don't believe in rehabilitation.  I don't want any criminal earning a high school diploma or job skill on my watch.  Got it????  Cuz I'm a tough guy.  Cuz I'm kinda like God.  Cuz I get to pick and choose who to be mean to.

PSA #2.  I've been perpetrating a great lie.  I run as a democrat.  But I ain't no democrat.  I'm a tea-party republican.  Remember this when you vote in the next election.  I AM the elephant in the room!

PSA #3.  Hello Milwaukee County denizens.  I just want you to know that the Sheriff's Department in Milwaukee County has the greatest number of thefts and items that go missing in all of the departments for all of Milwaukee County.  I am, effectively, asleep at the wheel!  Don't wake me, though.  I'm a cranky pants when you try to wake me up.

Sunday, February 3, 2013


Superbowl Sunday, 5:31 p.m.

I predict the Baltimore Ravens as the Superbowl winnters in 2013.

Don't know why --- but I believe they are the team this year!

Go RAVENS!!!!!!!!

Sheriff Clarke -- UNFIT?

To quote my uncle, one of the first UDT team members in World War II, You Betcha!

Stan Stujkovic, in The Milwaukee Journal today, brings up several valid points on why Sheriff Clarke is unfit.


He promotes gun violence and vigilantism.

He always wants to be in the public eye and enjoys grandstanding, always auditioning for some role that seems to only exist in his jumbled conscious.

He cries all the time over budget cuts (like the rest of us aren't facing downsizing and looking for ways to trim the fat out of our monetary diets), yet off he goes to every conference available in a nice location. 

He stretches any fact to suit a personal belief he may hold, i.e., that the 911 system is not a good idea , or at least, not as good an idea as pulling out your firearm and shooting someone.  He says this because his budget was cut and he lost some deputy positions.

He does not have the respect of his underlings, and is, in fact, a punitive, nasty leader who lets it all get personal, making decisions about staff that end up in the courts, costing the taxpayers a $hitload of money.

He doesn't get along with judges and other county leaders.  He is of the opinion that his opinion is all that matters.  These days, his opinion, along with his mental stability, is seriously in question.

I agree with Mr. Stojkovic; Sheriff Clarke is an abysmal failure.

Let me remind you of an instance of Sheriff Clarke's behavior in the not so distant past.

He was driving home during a snow storm.  Sees a motorist stuck on an off ramp, and pushes his car off the ramp with his own vehicle (county issued).  He then calls one of his deputies to assist the motorist so he can continue with whatever the hell the Sheriff does on his off time.  The deputy notes there are open alcohol containers in the pushee's vehicle, and that the driver is drunk.  She arrests him and writes up the ticket.  Sheriff Clarke then puts this poor deputy into the disciplinary process and makes her life a hell for years for "embarrassing" him.  Sheriff Clarke needs no help in embarrassing himself.  He's a perfect a$$ and he needs to get kicked out of what should be an important position, but has recently become a laughable and accurate impression of a Barney Fife mentality.

Abysmal failure?  Check.  Cartoon mentality?  Check.  Unhappy Milwaukeeans everywhere with this clown in office?  Absolute certainty.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Ground Hog Day

Well, if the groundhog sees his shadow today here in Milwaukee, I'm personally going over to the zoo and choking it to death.

Well, not really.  But the thought of six more weeks of winter is about as awful a thought as Scott Walker and Sheriff Clarke winning future elections.

I plan to move to New Orleans in 2016.  Can't come soon enough.  Everyday, my husband gives me a report on the temperature in the big easy.  Truthfully, it makes me so upset.  I've lived here all my life, which equates to I've been an idiot all my adult life.  Why didn't I leave when I had the chance?  Because I was broke?  One thing that is absolutely certain is that you can be broke anywhere, so you might as well be broke someplace nice.  Ah, well.  Perhaps I didn't have the courage to pick up and leave all that was familiar, even if all that was familiar was super annoying.

I am sick of being cold.  I used to ski, used to pray for tons and tons of snow, but I don't anymore because of various concussions and injuries suffered in the past.  I'm always a gung-ho kind of person, never taking the reasonable path, but always throwing caution to the wind.  Gung ho is interchangeable with stupid, I guess.  At any rate, despite my rapidly deteriorating body, my mind still thinks I'm twenty, so it is a bad mesh and I keep risks to a minimum by staying off skis.  Thrill seeker personalities are the last ones to realize they've grown old.   I took up golf.  Sheesh.  Replacing physical torture with mental torture.  Unfortunately, golf cannot happen in the winter. 

At any rate, Happy February 2nd - we are definitely turning the corner toward spring, now.  There are many things to look forward to!  For me - I can file for social security on April 28th, 90 days before my 62nd birthday.  That's a wonderful feeling.  I wouldn't exactly call it free money, having been enslaved by various employers most of my life, but it is money that will magically appear in my bank account every 30 days, and make that New Orleans dream one step closer, one month at a time.

It's pretty white here in Milwaukee today, snowing and no sun.  But I know there is a flower blooming somewhere south of the Mason/Dixon line just begging my nose to come and smell it.  And definitely a Hurricane waiting for me at the Old Absinthe House!