Monday, November 25, 2013

Random Annoyances

Lately, I love the music but cannot stand the musicians.

Why do all Hollywood actresses look as if their heads are too big for their bodies?  Seriously, the west coast is really starting to look like Mars Attacks.

No painting is worth 143 million dollars.  I say so.

The Pope is so utterly passé.

Fashion is best left to the well proportioned young.  The rest of us should try for tasteful, well-tailored and age appropriate.  Unless you live in New Orleans. 

What's with all the television commercials for comfortable, lubricated catheters.  Is there some pee problem happening in this country that I'm not aware of .  What is it?  Enlighten me.

The mantra that finally worked for me in giving up cigarettes is Puff the Magic Dragon.  I don't really understand why I'm afraid I'm going to become an opium addict now, but I am.

Is it actually possible that someone can write a freaking 2000 word essay on nail polish?  And get it published?

Why do lawyers talk about representing car accident victims on television constantly.  Are they causing all these car accidents?  Someone needs to look into this.

I live in a place where they talk about tides all the time.  High tide, low tide, time of tide, tide ebbing, tide neaping.  It's fascinating.  What the hell does it mean?

Is it ever a good idea to tell the IRS to go f*ck themselves?  Apparently, not.

Does anyone else lie at the post office when asked if there's anything liquid in the box?  I feel bad about myself but how else am I going to send perfume to someone?

I don't want to go to my book club on Saturday because I recommended the book and it turned out to be an awful book with awful characters and an awful ending.  It did get good reviews in The New York Times, but obviously the reviewer was a more miserable bastard than the people in the book.  Hard to imagine.  Guess I'll suck it up and apologize.

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