The Uncreative American

Is American creativity truly dead --- the one thing that set us apart from the rest of the world? I'm starting to think so. The melting pot has boiled us down to a bland and uninteresting pablum, unfit for babies and the elderly.

I'm bitchin today, because I spent the afternoon trying to watch what turned out to be some of the worst television in existence.

How many good writers are out there and why doesn't their work get bought or produced in any great quantity? Why is everything a formula?

Here are my pet peeves today.

1. HGTV. If I see one more freakin' kitchen with granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, subway tile backsplash, industrial range hood and stone floor, I will scream and scream and scream. First of all, granite counter tops are real nice, but if your house is 85 years old, they won't look like they belong there. Stainless steel appliances are cold....I mean COLD. Plus, they feel yucky when you touch them, grating, like nails on a chalkboard. Range hoods are nice to have if your husband is a gourmet cook (mine is), but truly unnecessary otherwise, unless, of course, your cooking is a menace and fire hazard. My husband doesn't have one of those industrial sized hoods. So far, he's okay without this trend. Subway tile is nice, glass tile is nice, I confess to having a backsplash against my non-granite counter tops. However, there must be other options. Stone floors .....man, I periodically scrub my floor on hands and knees. I do not need to bleed for a clean house, hardwood is difficult enough.

Seriously, can a kitchen designer come up with something else? Maybe a recycled Coke Can counter top; a packed dirt floor that can double as a garden. Something! Anything! I wonder how many of these "wonder" kitchens are going to be as passe as avocado colored appliances in another decade? I'm sure they will. Some new trend will take over. All that money spent to be exactly like everyone else. Dead creativity.

Here's a bit of advice. People should express their individuality in their homes; it is a reflection of your soul. If everyone has the same kitchen ---- duh. Too stupid to come up with a few fresh ideas?

2. LMN. Every terrible D actress in Hollywood has filmed one of these hideous movies. The movies stink, the acting stinks, the dialogue stinks, the plot is figured out in the first 10 minutes (if they bother to have one at all) --- I actually looked forward to the commercials to make it stop. Life Movie Network. If this is Life, freakin' kill me.

3. Formula Big Budget pictures. Yawn. With all the money studios spend on films every year, why is it that there are probably only 10 movies annually worth actually going to the theatre to see? The show house in my neighborhood has nice sofas instead of theatre seating. I cannot tell you the number of times I have spent $15 to take a nap in public.

4. I consider myself well-read, but it's getting harder and harder. Good writers are few and far between. Bad writers are everywhere and they get published, repeatedly. Publishing in America reeks of formula and formula sells. Formula does not sell in my house. It does, however, bludgeon the mind. American intelligence and the entertainment quotient is on a downward trend.

5. Reality television. Jesus H. The Kardashians? Really? What's real about them? My idea for a reality television show is to drop a white guy off dressed in a $4,000 suit with a Rolex watch, and a Louis Vuitton briefcase packed with gay porn, in the middle of East L.A. He will have no money, no car, no credit cards and no cell phone. Let's see how long it takes him to walk back to West Hollywood. That's an adventure worth seeing.

Or how about a show with ass boils and their subsequent lancing?

Cold sores and the healing process on big, pouty lips.

Anyhow, I'm just on a roll because I'm sick of how uncreative, almost dis-creative America has become. It's like George Orwell's Big Brother. We're all supposed to be the same and like the same things. If we don't, there's something wrong with us and we might be dangerous. Any step outside the current trend makes you eccentric.

I think I have to move to a land where someone has a fresh idea every now and then. This country is white bread and it helps kill brains in twelve ways.