Here's a picture of the first warm day in Wisconsin:
1. It probably will never get here.
Errr, sorry, just feeling rabidly pessimistic these days. Try again:
2. Great clouds of flies and mosquitoes will begin biting viciously.
3. Rabbits will eat all the garden plants.
4. Giant white lumps will take over downtown, smelling like yeast dough rising. Just before everyone panics, these lumps will be recognized as people's arms and legs, which haven't seen the light of day in months. They've been doubling in size since September, they're almost ready now!
5. The pot holes will give way to sink holes, swallowing all cars with spinner hubcaps. Did you ever see a Lexus with spinner hubcaps? You can sure see one here in Milwaukeeland. If there's something ridiculous that can be done to a car, it is done here, full tacky.
6. I will uncover half a dozen of my shoes (not pairs of shoes, just odd lot shoes) that my dearly departed dog has buried around the back garden. Won't matter, because I've already thrown out the matching shoe in frustration.
7. Lake Michigan will cough up a few dead bodies.
8. The wiener carts will make an appearance on downtown street corners. Personally, I can't wait for this! Nothing like a tube steak and a Coca Cola on a hot day. Makes you feel like you're at the ballgame instead of at work.
9. Muffin tops will poke their round little faces out of midriff shirts, and some navels will have become elongated smiles. Why not. Everybody's happy it's warm outside!
10. Aging men will wear Bermuda shorts and tennis shoes with black knee highs. On the first warm day, we can flaunt our fashion sense because we don't have to wear puffy coats anymore. Milwaukeeans will truly celebrate! It will be a sight. I should get my camera and prove this to you. Stay tuned for future pictorial documentation!