Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Diet and Exercise Programs

Yes, well, after strictly adhering to a diet and exercise program for 15 days now, I am unhappy to report that I gained four pounds.

So this is what I figured out about diet and exercise programs......they don't work unless you skip  mixed drinks.  Wine seems to be okay.

I had a couple of Captain and Cokes while watching the end of the Packer Season, and then a third one to console myself, and now I can barely button my favorite skirt.  My tights are super-tights.

I have a choice here.  Be a happy person with toned arms and legs and a protruding mid-section, while drinking as many cocktails as I want, or stick to a glass of wine with dinner and hope by summer I can fit into my swimsuit, since I plan to spend a month at the lake. 

Just tell me this.  At what age do women stop caring about their figures?  I really want to get there.  I hope to be an octogenarian who smokes man-like, strong cigarettes, drinks a lot of rum and vodka, drives really fast and eats lobster or steak five nights a week.  The other two nights, I'll eat fast food at the casino, where I'll spend my dead husband's social security check.  I will swear off doctors and just show up in emergency rooms where I will get Schedule I drugs because I can truly act crazy and pained, or make a doctor feel that way, depending on my mood.  I will then abuse those prescriptions regularly.

This sounds good.  Maybe I'll just start now.

No.   I have a lot of really great clothes I'd like to wear this summer.  I'll trade fashion for elderly shenanigans, at least for a little while.  But I do make old age sound less horrendous, don't I?  Stick with me grasshopper!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't take this the wrong way but it's good to see you write a semi-positive note after a spell of negativity (well deserved) against the %%** GOP that you have to put up with in WI. Did you consider making a New Year's resolution such as every 4th post would be positive and the other 3 posts would be wrath against the GOP. Personally, my New Year's resolution for 2013 is to have at least one happy thought per day, e.g., in 2014 we will be rid of the GOP idiots in the House and then imagine how I will celebrate.