Saturday, June 4, 2011

Winning Strategies for Perpetual Losers

I like self help advice because usually it's so ludicrous, it provides comic relief.  But there are so many losers lately, I just feel I must reach out and try to help. 

The first problem is that losers don't recognize themselves as such.  Not all losers are stupids and not all stupids are losers, but there is a close correlation between being a loser and being ignorant.  Ignorant is not the same as stupid.

First off, how to recognize if you're a loser:

1.  Do you have to depend on other people to support the image you're trying to project?  Does your fantasy begin at home and involve people who "can" to make you (who "can't") look good?

2. Do you have to call people and arrange for all aspects of your social life?  Is anyone reaching out to spend time with you?

3.  Do you have secret behaviors that are detrimental to healthy relationships?

4.  Are you a liar?  Not white lies.  Big fat horrendous lies.

5.  Are you perpetually sad, angry and lonely, despite being surrounded by people?

6.  Do you pray a lot for good things to come your way?  Do you ever pray for anyone you dislike?

7.  Are you secretly delighted when bad things happen to people whom you envy or of whom you are very jealous?

8.  Do you covet?

9.  Are you upset or are you confused when people find out the truth about your personality and back off from a relationship with you?

10.  Do you have any clue in your head about what really makes you function or what would actually make you happy?

So what are the winning strategies for losers?  There are two loser roads.

1.  Accept that you're a loser, probably always have been a loser, and will die a loser's death.  It's the one thing that can make you less of a loser.

2.  Plato said "the unexamined life is not worth living".  Look at yourself.  All the things you're hiding need to be unveiled and all the harmful behaviors you've engaged in need to be honestly addressed, either through sincere apology or just by going forth and noting that you used to be a major f*ck head but you're really trying to change.

Accept that even though you might be a major loser, its never to late to shed that skin.

Or not. 

The world is full of losers and you all will certainly find each other, and drive each other crazy, much the way you're driven the good people from your lives.


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