Tuesday, November 22, 2011


It's that time of the year when everyone becomes a raging maniac.  There is no peace, no joy, no thanks, no adoration.  Just bargain hunters.

Can you tell I work in retail?  Not for much longer, thankfully, but my new job won't start until after the 1st of the year, so I guess I'm stuck working through another holiday season.  Holidays.  They really should be called retail Easter; the store employees seasonal Crucifixion jamboree.

A few suggestions for mall shoppers.  Please remove the bear trap from your foot before venturing out to Christmas shop.  We really don't want your pain to become our pain. 

Smoke some marijuana before Xmas shopping.  Your gift choices may be questionable, but the store clerks will enjoy your winning personality.

If you shop the day after Thanksgiving, well, you're certifiably nuts, but still, don't moan and groan about crowds, rude patrons or how hot you are.  Clue, all clerks think you are insane for venturing into a retail environment on this day, so please, don't be shocked when we treat you, well, like the insane person we think you are.

Please leave your screaming, whining, obnoxious little progeny at home.  Christmas shopping is not for anyone under the age of ten.   And keep the little bastards off the escalators, where they can get seriously hurt while you're hunting down some coupon item or trying on hats.

I, for one, don't give a $hit if you take your business to another store, so when you angrily tell me you'll go to _______ store for your item, try to remember I don't really give a rat's a$$, I'm thinking in my head, "Good, get the f*ck out of this store and away from me you whining, mega-shining a-hole".  Isn't my smile and apology perfect, though.  You'd never guess that I was thinking such vulgarities.  So now you know.

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