The NRA announced today that automatic weapons training classes will be held every Saturday at your local library for ages 4 to 6 at 10:00 a.m. Classes will be one half hour long. Register early and avoid the rush. Call 1-800-BLASTEM to reserve your seat today.
Don't send your child to school without proper armament. For the registration fee of $1900, your child will get a specially scaled Glock 9mm that will fit into his/her hand, a bullet proof vest, and proper and thorough education in the variables of when to shoot and when to play on the monkey bars.
Local sporting goods stores, in conjunction with NRA training, will have a 50% off sale on all holsters, boots, straps and shooter paraphernalia, so you never have to send your child out on the playground defenseless.
Support your local NRA chapter, and let's get guns into the hands of potential victims as soon as possible. Learn to be a Shooter TODAY!
Remember, a gun can be your most steadfast friend, no matter how old you are. It's never too early to start learning how to be a completely paranoid person. The NRA wants YOU!