Friday, April 1, 2011

April Brings Good Things

I recently inherited a ton of money from someone I didn't even know.  It's great.  I'm going to flaunt it and spend it like a drunken sailor.  I'm also going to make sure no one suffering greed and avarice ever sees a cent of it.

I've decided to buy my dream car, which is the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile.  It's going to cost me a ton of money, but its worth it to have that horn.

I'm going to Paris, I'm going to have a complete wardrobe designed for me and hand sewn.  Silk everything, especially lingerie.  Then I'm going to Italy for matching shoes.  Then on to Hong Kong for pearls.  Can't wait.  The ultimate shopping trip.  I'd go to Antwerp for diamonds, but diamonds are absolutely the most boring gem there is and I just don't want any.

I bought the villa I liked in Costa Rica, and I'm spending almost two million dollars to have the road rebuilt so I don't have to freak out driving up and down it.

All my grandchildren are getting brand new cars and excellent educations.  There won't be any hairdressers in the family.....not that hairdressers are BAD, but face it, making ugly people look good all day long would certainly take its toll on anyone's psyche.

I'm spending winter in Tahiti and summer in Europe for the next year or two.  After that, who knows.   I bought a cottage in Ireland overlooking the Ring of Kerry, and a wonderful apartment in Paris in the best district.  I'm looking at a nice place in Greece.

I'm giving so much of my money away, to people who honestly deserve it and have never had a break in their life.  I'm buying them houses, cars, educations, whatever they need.  I could never spend all this money on my own......I'm letting people who deserve it help me.

Ah.......if only.  April Fools.

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