Friday, May 13, 2011


My husband's son is a thirty-year-old adolescent.  Can't hold a job.  Can't earn an honest buck.  Can't get beyond his arrogance.  Can't maintain a relationship.  Can't boast of a single success in his life.

He is, however, a world-class moocher.  Mama holds the purse strings and baby jumps.  It's a very sick relationship, symbiotic in mama bear needs attention and needs to assuage her guilt over raising this poor excuse of a human being, and baby bear needs cash.  Lots of cash.  Note previous paragraph - the kid can't earn an honest dollar.  At thirty - that's ridiculous.

At any rate, this isn't about the dysfunctional son or the enabling mother.  Its about moochers in general. 

There are many people in the world who just can't get anything together and so they mooch.  Some of them marry well.  Most of them maintain that someone else's success is their own.  They are parasitic in their efforts to find someone who will support their cash flow and their materialism. 

I was once married to a world class moocher.  I know the type well.  I know the devastation they bring to people who are trying to live solid lives.  I understand the overall cost of these people.

How to tell if you're dealing with a moocher:

1.  The story.  They all have stories.  All the stories are based on a "poor me" delusion.

2.  The lies.  Moochers have to keep reinventing themselves.  They do this by embellishing their stories.  Their stories become lies.  Their lies become their reality. Their distorted reality ultimately takes everyone down.  Truth has a way of surfacing no matter how accomplished the liar.

3.  Coupla bucks.  They always need a couple of bucks.

4.  The Facade.  They always tell of their (imaginary) great successes and the big deal just around the corner.

5.  If Only.  They always have an excuse for their poor performance.  It's always someone else's fault.  If only you, he, she, they  __________ (fill in the blank).

6.  Legal Troubles.  Moochers always get into legal trouble.  Ultimately, the mooching extends to people outside the family who might not be so, uh, understanding ???

7.  Inability to Undertake Responsibility.  Moochers, by their very nature, are irresponsible.  They won't do the expected, and by that I mean, what any normal human being would expect from another.  Like caring for their own children.

If there is a moocher in your life, dump him/her.  They don't change.  The only thing that changes is their ability to successfully mooch and their victims.


Anonymous said...

First thing you've ever written that makes sense.

Citizen X said...

You must be a right winger!