Friday, June 22, 2012

I Like To Be In America!

Reasons to love living in America.

1.  I don't need to be smart; the government will tell me what to think.

2.  I have access to any ridiculous amount of useless junk made in China.

3.  If I have rotten garbage to wrap, almost every newspaper in the country is up to the task.

4.  The air, water and ground is tainted, insuring me low cost at the grocery store.

5.  If I get sick, I'll be treated immediately, as soon as I come up with the co-pay.

6.  The government is all up in my womb, making it possible for me to get f*cked without taking my clothes off.

7.  Pornography is totally legal, I can watch it or take part in it.  Of course, American porn is actually big business.

8.  I am American, therefore, I have the holy right to destroy other cultures in my quest for resources.

9.  I can drive my cheaply made American car on any number of roads that will take me any number of places, anytime I can afford the gas.  I do, however, stay off bridges because I don't trust the infrastructure, at all.

10.  My favorite reason for being American?  I can be STUPID and still be valued by my fellow Americans. 


AlexisAR said...

You also have the privilege of claiming suckiest national anthem on the planet as your own, and if you can't sing, your performance will only make the song better.

Citizen X said...

I always sing Woodie Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land" when required to stand for the national anthem. It really pi$$es off the red white and blue baboon a$$es in the crowd.